Toys from the Darkside Ep. 1: Lego Lunacy!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a new feature I hope to make a regular feature here on Ramblin' Man: Toys from the Darkside! Here I will look at cheapie toys and knock-offs that come my way from dollar stores or bargain bins, and if this becomes popular, maybe even donations! Anyway, so what will be the subject of toys that we're going to gawk at?

Well, you can never go wrong with fake Lego. Well, actually, there is a lot that can go wrong with fake Lego: Poorly fitting parts, cheap plastic, nonsensical instructions, and the fact it's fake Lego. That is the subject for today's installment of Toys from the Darkside. We have two brands we'll be looking at through fine-lensed spectacles: Block Tech and Best-Lock, both of which were found at Dollar General.

We've gone to Plaid!

As you can see, our inaugural toy for TftD is from Block Tech! This is a Farm Tractor, and apparently one that's been rigged to go at mach speeds, if the motion blur on the packaging is any indication. We even have a little wannabe minifigure who's careening off the fields because of his lack of a steering wheel, so the poor guy's at the mercy of the lawnmower of death, waiting the inevitable crash into a barn silo, the scent of burning wheat and plastic permeating in the air.

The package also tells us the other varieties available, in a suspiciously Batman Forever-looking font, as if our Caped Crusader would associate himself with tractors and race cars. Incidentally, the other packages for these models had the exact same minifigure on the package, riding each one, while wearing the exact same outfit, making this smiling goon the unofficial Block Tech mascot. Good for him!

Oh damn, when I made the joke about the little minifigure dying, I didn't think he'd actually be MIA in the set! As you'd expect, the set came in these somewhat suspiciously Lego-esque parts, but some unique pieces in there like the chair with a hole or the SNOT bricks (Studs not on top)

And here's the completed model! I must say, for a dollar, this isn't a bad deal at all. The pieces went together nicely, the parts feel maybe a hair worse than Lego, but for the price, this is a great little set, even with the lack of a minifig that was promised on the box. Well, implied to be promised, as the picture would imply his inclusion, and I wanted to have my first off-minifig so he can be mercilessly mocked and discriminated by my regular minifigures.  There is one oddity: If you look, there's a code under the yellow brick which I guess is the tractor's serial number emblazoned on the side for all to see. Well, when it has the capacity to go to the speed of sound, I suppose it'd be a bad idea to post it on the side of your vehicle.

Everything is Awe-OH MY GOD!!!

Here it is with a minifig riding onboard. I see a bit of a Speed Buggy look from the headlights, and Emmet back there is horrified that clone Lego has entered the Cardboard Box of Judgement. All in all, this is a steal of a set, and can easily be built using real Lego should you fancy a lawnmower.

And with every good set, we have one that sucks. This is the bottom half of our episode today, with Best-Lock's offering, boasting that we build a lot for a little, despite being 1/4th more expensive than the Block Tech piece. As you can see, we have on offer a police car, and a rather poorly designed one at that. The front hood looks unfinished mainly, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

It boldly states it works with other brands, not that other brands (*Cough* Lego *Cough) would like working with it. We also have a bootleg Ghostbusters logo telling us not to let kids 3 and under handle this, though frankly, I don't think anyone should.

We're on a mission from Satan!

And there is our, er.. Police cruiser, and it's a piece of tripe. The front hood looks incomplete, there's a big gap between the bumper and hood, and the side bits keep falling off with little effort. The brick quality is worse than Block Tech, and easily much worse than Lego. Thankfully, there were no malformed bricks, which seem par for the course with Best-Lock. There were stickers, but I didn't bother to apply them to the pieces which refuse to stick. I had to be extra careful to take this picture so the sides wouldn't fly away.

The instructions were also confusing, as the black pieces appeared as a dark military green and the other colors appeared as a gray when not in use. It was confusing to me, so take a guess as to how confusing it'd be for a kid. Bottom line, Best-Lock is absolute sh*te and unless you hate kids and want any Lego fan to suffer or you are a sociopath specializing in AFOLs, avoid this at all costs!

And thus ends our first edition of Toys from the Darkside! Should this be a regular thing? I hope so, I had a blast making this entry, and I'd love to have more cheapo toys showcased in the Cardboard Box of Judgement for mutual amusement. Have a good evening, folks!

Funeral March of a Homophobe

Ladies, gentlemen, sentient animals with access to wifi and computers, Fred Phelps is dead at age 84. Now before anyone starts belting out Ding Dong the Witch is Dead or lacing their tap shoes to dance on his grave, listen to me. Phelps is far from a perfect man, in fact he may be one of the most hate-filled individuals who ever lived, but is celebrating his death justified? That would make us worse than him or his church, if not just as bad.

Now if anyone has no idea about who Fred Phelps is, he was the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church, one of the most infamous and hated groups not just in the USA, but all over the world thanks to their warped views on Christianity, including twisted song parodies which have messages contrary to what most Christians believe (Including myself). However, many forget that, even though Phelps had a raging hate-boner against the LGBT community, he was a supporter of the NAACP during the civil rights movement of the 60s and was an acclaimed lawyer, despite being thrown in prison a few times.

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I am not defending the man on his homophobia, or his gnarled Christian values, but rather giving some perspective on the situation. Believe me, the WBC struck a nerve with me when they protested Ronnie James Dio's funeral, let alone the hundreds of military funerals they marched outside the chapel and cemetery. So you'd think I'd be the one donning the biggest pair of cleats to stomp on his grave, but no, because if you think about it, that'd be hypocritical. Hatred on hatred only makes the situation worse. You don't throw gasoline on a fire to put it out, do you?

Instead, why not just wish the family luck on getting past their grief? Maybe even pray if you happen to be religious? I know not everyone who reads this has a faith or is Christian, but love knows no religion. Being a decent person isn't exclusive to one faith, even though all of them encourage it. Two wrongs don't make a right, and vengeance is a dish best served cold. Who knows, maybe this experience will help the Phelps family turn over a new leaf and renounce their old hate-cultish ways, preaching about God's love instead of his wrath. Of course, that's a pipe dream, but I do hope that this message will get out. Love thy neighbors, love thy enemies, and let's not stir the pot and make their grieving worse.

Love makes the world go round, folks, so let's make that globe turn!

Trigger for bullying? Really?

Yes, I'm taking another Facebook trending article and I'm writing my thoughts on the matter. This one, unlike most of the ones I see, struck a rather big nerve with me for several reasons, but I'll get to those in just a moment. The story revolves around one Grayson Bruce, who aside from having a name that'd make any Batman fan blush, was bullied because he carried a My Little Pony backpack to school. See, Grayson is a brony, and a rather young one at that. It's natural, since he's at an age where gender roles and stereotypes are expected to be upheld, and his peers are taking the piss on him because he prefers pastel horses to battling robots. Anyway, the issue comes from the fact the school, after receiving complaints from Grayson's parents about the issue, says that he shouldn't bring the backpack to school because it's a "Trigger for bullying."

Alright, time for me to get my ranting cap on, because that is the biggest pile of bullsh*t I've ever heard. A boy shouldn't have to hide what he loves for fear that he'll be picked on. Remember when you were a kid, and all of the shows and books you read said to be yourself no matter what? Well, turns out it's all a lie, particularly with Grayson's case. Another person said that if bringing the pony backpack is a bullying trigger, then wearing a mini-skirt is a trigger for rape. It's part of the "Blame the victim" mentality. You know the ones who try to be Captain Hindsight and tell you that you're in the wrong instead of the assailant? Exactly the case here. 

I said earlier that this article struck a big nerve on several levels, and here's why: I'm a brony myself, and I've been bullied all my elementary school life, as well as having no teachers to take up for me, but instead give me useless advice and act like I'm falsely accusing a "star student" out of spite. I know how Grayson feels, and I strongly believe that the school, who I won't mention to save them some dignity (Not that they deserve it) is in the wrong majorly. The school wants to put the blame on him instead of the bullies who are getting away with murder. Same with the mini-skirt/rape thing I mentioned before. This image below expresses how I feel. 

Personally, I feel like the school is taking the easy way out by only dealing with one student as opposed to attempting to crack down on bullying, which is becoming a huge issue where other kids are attempting to take their own lives because of the endless taunting. Another young brony, Michael, had attempted suicide because of the relentless bullying he faced, and he's roughly the same age as Grayson. 

If you want my honest opinion, shame on the school for siding with the bullies and making the victim out to be the bad guy or for implying that he's bringing the torment on himself. As I've said, the school is too lazy to take bullying by the horns and attempt to put an end to it, so instead of letting a student express himself, he's told to be another face in the crowd. Ladies, gentlemen, ponies who have discovered the internet and somehow stumbled onto this bush league blog, I leave you with a Pink Floyd classic that sums up the situation very well. 

Blind Bag Caper Part 2

Wow, a double post in the same day? How lucky are you people? Wait, that's more like a punishment, is it? Anyway, I returned to that same Walmart today and gathered some pictoral evidence of the packs being pilfered and left empty. And also a shocking turn of where some unopened packets were found and returned to their rightful display. I apologize in advance for the crappy camera quality, as an iPod was the only photographic equipment I had handy.

Above here is the Lego Movie display. As you can see, there's only 2-3 empty packets filling the display. Only a baseplate and collectors leaflet were left inside. Bare in mind this was the first time since 2012 that any blind bag Lego figures have made their way in this Walmart, so that may have a hand in the demand.

This pictures shows how these minifig packs were opened. They had a clean cut in the back, as my hand is showing in the shot. I'm not sure how this would be any different from opening the tops, but hey I'm not the sleezeball doing this. Interestingly, I found a small cache of unopened figures hoarded behind some Call of Duty Mega Bloks sets, which leads me to believe they were hidden there for someone to come back and buy later. It's the oldest shopping trick in the book.

Pay attention to the top packet, where the opening is visible

These pictures show the My Little Pony blind bags which were also opened, but fortunately the ponies were still inside. These were also opened from the top instead of sliced in the back like the Lego packs were. Also for some reason they were displayed in a Lego Friends display, which is Lego's girl-centered line, and the end cap was supposed to have the smaller Friends Pets polybags, but I digress.

This kind of behavior is appalling, speaking as a collector myself. People ask me why I buy online instead of in stores, and it's because of nut cases who ruin the fun for everyone and open the packets in stores instead of using the serial codes or dot codes on the packaging, or Hell, maybe just buy them as intended: a surprise.

First World Problems or How I learned to Stop Complaining and Laugh at Life

Life is full of disappointments, setbacks, obstacles, and hurdles. I mean it doesn't take a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon to figure that out. At the same time there's also jerks, douchebags, and otherwise inconsiderate slack-jawed troglodytes who make these inconveniences happen, and I hate to admit it, but sometimes you yourself are that jerk who does these things to yourself. Lord knows I'm someone who gets mad at himself when something goes wrong, regardless of whether or not it was directly my fault or if I had a part in it. I'd go as far to say I treat people better, immensely better than I do myself. 

I know it's bad, but it's a self-esteem thing most likely. I can't give myself praise because I'll either look like a conceited piece of crap or be satisfied. A wise man once told me to never be satisfied in my own work, or else I won't yearn to get better the next time, so if I get satisfied in, say, a blog post like this, I'll get comfortable and not feel like putting in more effort. On the flip side, I treat people better because they'll give me the appreciation I neglect to give myself, again for fear that I'll look arrogant, and we all know there's too many of them on social media already. 

By now you're wondering what this has to do with the post's title. Well, think about it. Why do you think memes exist like the ones I posted here? Because they're taking an annoyance and turning it into something funny. This includes laughing at yourself when something isn't right. Now granted, there's a time and place for jokes, but don't get mad at something relatively minor. People who do that have rather depressing lives. Really that's the reason I wanted to start this blog: As a confidence booster and a way for me to share my thoughts with the world, even though nobody cares, or at least that's what my mind says. 

Think about some things that get under your skin. How do you turn these situations from nightmarish to pleasant? Talk to someone? Write in a blog like this? Contemplate a grand, terroristic attack because the barista at Starbucks gave you the evil eye? That last one's an exaggeration and anyone who decides to something like that should stop reading and get institutionalized ASAP. Anyway, a person who lives a life of laughs will usually be happier in general instead of having an "Everything sucks" attitude, but still, I'm curious on how you deal with life's obstacles with gusto? 

The Walmart Blind Bag Caper

Some of you who know me may have heard this story before, but please read on as I do have some things I didn't say as part of the tale. This goes for those who may not know what happened, so it's a treat for everyone! Yeah, I made that last part up, but anyway, on with the show.

So yesterday I was at Walmart, checking out some of the Lego stock that they had, when I noticed they had a display of Lego Movie Blind Bag figures. For those who don't know, Lego usually has series of blind bag minifigures which are usually generic characters you can't get in a standard set. They made a series to promote The Lego Movie, which has characters both major and minor to collect, from Emmet in his hard hat and Bad Cop with a scribble face or minor characters like Where are my Pants Guy or Larry the Barista. Not to get off track, but they finally had a display out, but beyond the initial excitement then came disappointment as the only two visible packets were opened, and nothing was inside either aside from the black baseplate these figures come with and a leaflet showing every character you can get. I only managed to find one unopened Bad Cop, which was tucked away behind some Star Wars sets.

Lego wasn't the only blind bag compromised, but also the My Little Pony blind bags were opened, though the ponies I saw were still inside their bags, aside from a few. It was a sight that you had to see to believe, and strangely enough most of the other blind package figures were not messed with (Mega Bloks Halo and K-Nex Mario Kart/Angry Birds for instance)

You may be laughing at me because I'm expressing my disgust over toys, but bare in mind these are all collectibles and even if they weren't, kids still like the surprise of which minifig or pony they got, even if they have 1,000 Emmets or 20,000 Pinkie Pies. Just put yourself in a child's perspective: You go to the store and you want to buy a Lego, but you can only get something cheap. You see the blind bag minifigures and think one or two of those would be fine, since they're easy on the wallet and you still get the satisfaction of populating your Lego town. However, you see the display's empty aside from some littered bags. The disappointment is overwhelming for a kid. For someone like me, I can just as easily go to another store or buy any figure I want online, even if it's more expensive to do, but a kid doesn't have that luxury without bugging their parents.

That and kids don't know there are ways to check which figure's inside. Lego has the feel method that everyone knows, but they also have a little imprint on the bottom of the bag which is a code for which figure's inside, and there's databases online which show which code corresponds to which figure. Same for the MLP blind bags, which have a serial code which corresponds to the pony inside, but again, kids don't know these and collectors do, which raises the question: Who would have opened the packages like savages? Why would they have to open the package to see inside if they can feel the packet or use a code/serial number? It's baffling, but this isn't the first time this happened.

Back at Christmas, I was given a Lord of the Rings set for Christmas; the Mines of Moria if memory serves me right. However, the figures, every last one, as well as their accessories, were missing. The damning thing was the fact that there were no signs of forced entry and the bags looked sealed. I had to make a report to Lego's customer service to get my figures replaced, which they did with gusto (Side note, but Lego has impeccable customer service), but the fact that I had to deal with them was disappointing. This occurrence is all to common, where a set is bought, the person pilfers the minifigures, and sends the set back for a refund while either selling the figs online or keeping them in a collection. Again, take the perspective of a child who got a big set like the Batcave, but notices that Batman, Robin, Bane, Poison Ivy, etc. are all missing. Not very happy is it? Didn't think so.

So now you know why I mainly stick to online blind bag purchases. The surprise is gone, and it may cost more thanks to shipping, but it's worth it to have the peace of mind where your merchandise is not tampered with and often factory direct.

Razzie Retrospective!

Folks, I've never been one to watch the Oscars. Sure the movies that win are classics, but I never liked the ceremony itself. However, I do enjoy the Razzies, or Golden Raspberry Awards. For those who are unaware, the Razzies celebrate the bottom of the barrel of the previous year's movies, or sometimes the worst of the decade once it comes to a close, and let me tell you, after looking at the which films took home plastic, gold painted raspberries last night, we have some real clunkers who deserved the "honors" as it were. So sit back, relax, grab your favorite drink and ready the rotten tomatoes as we go through the list of winners and I give my opinions on the movies that won or nominated. It's the Razzie Retrospective!

Surprisingly, the movie which got the most nominations, Grown Ups 2, got no awards whatsoever. Guys, this is what happens when you try copying The Expendibles but instead of gathering some of the greatest action stars of our time, you get some of the most trite and stale "comedians" that Hollywood has to offer. It's like they're trying to be a rock and roll supergroup but long after the band members have past their prime. These nominations included Worst Actor for Adam Sandler, Worst Picture, Worst Supporting Actress for Salma Hayek (Whom I've never heard of before writing this article), and many more. This movie had a whopping 8 nominations, but didn't win a single one. Take of that what you will, but I see it as a sign that maybe the movie wasn't even good enough for Razzie material.

On the flip side, the night's big winner, and I use that term loosely, was Movie 43, a failed sketch comedy flick which took home 3 awards, including Worst Picture. Now this movie I am oh too familiar with, as it boasts an all-star cast including the likes of Chris Pratt (Who thankfully redeemed himself with The Lego Movie), Hugh Jackman, and Naomi Watts, among others. Now according to legend, these actors were guilt-tripped into making it, and it really shows. The biggest fail of the movie was the fact it had 13 directors. 13 freaking directors who made that piece of tripe. Think about it, most classic movies need only one, maybe two directors. Names like Spielberg, James Cameron, Peter Jackson, George Lucas are all synonymous with quality. However the 13 circus chimps that made Movie 43 should be ashamed. Oh, and on a side note, I apologize to any circus chimps I offended while writing this. The, for lack of a better word, "Directors" have the mind of a petri dish specimen cumulatively, and thus shouldn't be compared to a perfectly fine primate. The movie just had no direction. Another film like it, InAPPropriate Comedy, directed by infomercial annoyance Vince "You're gonna love my nuts" Offer, at least had a framing device where all of the sketches were apps on Vince's phone, and that's honestly the only compliment I can give that movie, which is more that I can say for Movie 43.

As for the other movies, Lone Ranger's lone award was Worst Adaption/Remake/Sequel. Honestly, I didn't think that one was too bad. Sure it felt like a watered down old western version of Pirates of the Caribbean even sharing Johnny Depp as a starring role, but it was a fun movie and a good time-killer. Not as good as the TV series it's based off of, but definitely not a terrible movie. Tyler Perry's magnum opus of setting black people back to the Minstrel days, Madea, isn't safe either, snagging the Worst Actress award for Madea's Christmas. I haven't seen this movie myself, but I've seen some of Madea's other movies/plays, and they're not so good. I see it as more of a "I'm not in the right audience" thing than actual lack of quality. Perry's story is inspiring, literally rags to riches, but the fact remains that Spike Lee foretold this kind of entertainment in Bamboozled, where Minstrelsy would be perfectly acceptable to a black audience, and Perry establishing the fact that a black man could emulate a black woman almost perfectly. In fact he fooled me when I first saw Madea Goes to Jail, though the trick isn't new by any stretch. Just ask Eddie Murphy in Nutty Professor and Norbit.

Other winners include After Earth with Will and Jaden Smith, which I've never seen so I can't really comment on it, and interestingly I mentioned InAPPropriate Comedy earlier and was actually nominated for Worst Supporting Actress, which was snagged by Kim "I am NOT a Hobbit!" Kardashian for her appearance in Tyler Perry's Temptation. Other than that, I think I covered everything that needs to be covered. If you want to see everything, check out this link here: Rotten Tomatoes Razzie Coverage and check out the entries for yourself. Keep in mind, I'm not responsible for any side effects that may come from clicking that link, including heart palpitations, vomiting, intense diarrhea, dementia, headaches, loss of appetite, nose bleeds, or a sudden onset of psychosis.

Inaugural ramble

Hey guys, what's going on? It's James, throwing my already tattered hat back into the blogging ring and write about things that cross my mind and you probably won't care about. Who am I kidding, you'd have to care a little bit to actually be reading this, right? Anyway, I want to make this a semi-regular blog, updating it whenever I feel there's something on my mind that I'd like to discuss.

That said, what topics will be the groundbreaker for this inaugural post? Well, we've all heard about wacky and frivolous lawsuits, and browsing through my Facebook feed this morning, I spot a real doozy. The lawsuit in question was directed at McDonalds, by a man who claims that he wasn't given enough napkins. Now what amount of money is he suing the Clown for? $1.5 million bucks. People, you can't make this stuff up if you tried. So let me get this straight: At this particular Mickey D's in California, napkins aren't self-serve but rather available upon request. I'm sorry, but I'm not buying that. 

McDonalds has always been the cornerstone of frivolous lawsuits, from a lady suing them because she didn't know her coffee was, surprise surprise, hot, or the two sisters who sued because they got fat from constantly stuffing their faces with Big Macs and fries on a routine basis. And people wonder why foreign countries want America blown off the face of the Earth. Guys, if you want to make a BS lawsuit against a big company, Mickey D's isn't a good choice anymore. Listen to Weird Al's "I'll Sue Ya" for some ideas if you must. Of course that's sarcasm and if anyone reading this decides to actually follow through with that advice, maybe even to the point of self injury or death, just know there's a Darwin award waiting with your name on it. 

Another topic that caught my eye was George Lopez getting arrested for public drunkenness at a Canadian casino in Ontario. First of all, how is George relevant anymore? The last I saw of him was his lackluster talk show which got cancelled rather quickly, if memory serves, and then they rerun episodes of his crappy sitcom on Nick at Nite alongside endless Friends, Fresh Prince, and Family Matters reruns. According to the report, he got done doing a show at that casino and then decided to get hammered and pass out on the casino floor. 

Listen, Lopez, I know your career has degenerated to torturing live audiences with your brand of "comedy" at low-key casinos in Canada, but did it really have to come to getting drunk in front of the audience who barely survived your show and having your inebriated visage plastered all over the internet?  It's bad enough they had to sit through your act, but those poor people were just trying to wash away the bad comedy with gambling their life savings away. Wasn't there a low-budget direct to video cartoon movie you could have voice acted in? Your dignity may be gone, but at least you wouldn't be in prison.

Wow, rambling is right, just two mediocre news stories and I made a long post about them. Well, if you like what you see, stick around and join the fun. If not, well at least you tried and maybe you should go read something else like the egomaniacs of Twitter and Instagram, which I'll discuss another time, oddly enough. Have a good day, folks, and I'll see you on the brighter later.