Toys from the Darkside Ep. 1: Lego Lunacy!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a new feature I hope to make a regular feature here on Ramblin' Man: Toys from the Darkside! Here I will look at cheapie toys and knock-offs that come my way from dollar stores or bargain bins, and if this becomes popular, maybe even donations! Anyway, so what will be the subject of toys that we're going to gawk at?

Well, you can never go wrong with fake Lego. Well, actually, there is a lot that can go wrong with fake Lego: Poorly fitting parts, cheap plastic, nonsensical instructions, and the fact it's fake Lego. That is the subject for today's installment of Toys from the Darkside. We have two brands we'll be looking at through fine-lensed spectacles: Block Tech and Best-Lock, both of which were found at Dollar General.

We've gone to Plaid!

As you can see, our inaugural toy for TftD is from Block Tech! This is a Farm Tractor, and apparently one that's been rigged to go at mach speeds, if the motion blur on the packaging is any indication. We even have a little wannabe minifigure who's careening off the fields because of his lack of a steering wheel, so the poor guy's at the mercy of the lawnmower of death, waiting the inevitable crash into a barn silo, the scent of burning wheat and plastic permeating in the air.

The package also tells us the other varieties available, in a suspiciously Batman Forever-looking font, as if our Caped Crusader would associate himself with tractors and race cars. Incidentally, the other packages for these models had the exact same minifigure on the package, riding each one, while wearing the exact same outfit, making this smiling goon the unofficial Block Tech mascot. Good for him!

Oh damn, when I made the joke about the little minifigure dying, I didn't think he'd actually be MIA in the set! As you'd expect, the set came in these somewhat suspiciously Lego-esque parts, but some unique pieces in there like the chair with a hole or the SNOT bricks (Studs not on top)

And here's the completed model! I must say, for a dollar, this isn't a bad deal at all. The pieces went together nicely, the parts feel maybe a hair worse than Lego, but for the price, this is a great little set, even with the lack of a minifig that was promised on the box. Well, implied to be promised, as the picture would imply his inclusion, and I wanted to have my first off-minifig so he can be mercilessly mocked and discriminated by my regular minifigures.  There is one oddity: If you look, there's a code under the yellow brick which I guess is the tractor's serial number emblazoned on the side for all to see. Well, when it has the capacity to go to the speed of sound, I suppose it'd be a bad idea to post it on the side of your vehicle.

Everything is Awe-OH MY GOD!!!

Here it is with a minifig riding onboard. I see a bit of a Speed Buggy look from the headlights, and Emmet back there is horrified that clone Lego has entered the Cardboard Box of Judgement. All in all, this is a steal of a set, and can easily be built using real Lego should you fancy a lawnmower.

And with every good set, we have one that sucks. This is the bottom half of our episode today, with Best-Lock's offering, boasting that we build a lot for a little, despite being 1/4th more expensive than the Block Tech piece. As you can see, we have on offer a police car, and a rather poorly designed one at that. The front hood looks unfinished mainly, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

It boldly states it works with other brands, not that other brands (*Cough* Lego *Cough) would like working with it. We also have a bootleg Ghostbusters logo telling us not to let kids 3 and under handle this, though frankly, I don't think anyone should.

We're on a mission from Satan!

And there is our, er.. Police cruiser, and it's a piece of tripe. The front hood looks incomplete, there's a big gap between the bumper and hood, and the side bits keep falling off with little effort. The brick quality is worse than Block Tech, and easily much worse than Lego. Thankfully, there were no malformed bricks, which seem par for the course with Best-Lock. There were stickers, but I didn't bother to apply them to the pieces which refuse to stick. I had to be extra careful to take this picture so the sides wouldn't fly away.

The instructions were also confusing, as the black pieces appeared as a dark military green and the other colors appeared as a gray when not in use. It was confusing to me, so take a guess as to how confusing it'd be for a kid. Bottom line, Best-Lock is absolute sh*te and unless you hate kids and want any Lego fan to suffer or you are a sociopath specializing in AFOLs, avoid this at all costs!

And thus ends our first edition of Toys from the Darkside! Should this be a regular thing? I hope so, I had a blast making this entry, and I'd love to have more cheapo toys showcased in the Cardboard Box of Judgement for mutual amusement. Have a good evening, folks!